I number these rather than providing actual times because it seems time itself has self-isolated during this bizarre time.
1. The night before prep: I stayed up late, fretting about various pandemic-related catastrophic scenarios.
2. Carried those worries through the night to assure I never hit REM. This level of worrying feels like how teachers have to operate, so it felt authentic to the role.
3. AWAKE! Hey, look. It’s still weird outside my window. Here we goooooo!
4. Coffee and prepped for my new role as a schoolmarm. (I watched 3 YouTube videos of various Conan O’Brien shenanigans.)
5. Reveled in how astute my subconscious is when I realized it is St. Patrick’s Day, and I had unknowingly chosen to watch Conan AND used the word shenanigans. I will be a gifted teacher.
6. I decided to make something green for my kids’ breakfast. So much time at home is making me cute!
7. Whoops, the kids already ate. Don’t care.
8. Math: I began the day in earnest by swiftly undoing five years of keen academic instruction given to my daughter by qualified teachers.
**Whispers softly*** I miss “carry the one.”
9. 35 minutes in, and she has already wiggled to the point where I feel she must need medication. Texted a teacher friend. Apparently, they all wiggle. How fun.
10. Physical Education: Resentful that I lack a whistle. Made a mental note to add a whistle to the Amazon order I compile each night as I worry.
11. Lunch seemed an exciting prospect until I remembered I am head of culinary endeavors. Will have to take this out of the daily schedule.
12. Music: Zestfully offer operatic versions of random TikTok gems and decide to order a complete set of handbells for the new family bell choir I have planned out in my head. We will tour nearby subdivisions. Middle schooler offers no words, only dead eyes when I share my plan.
13. Recess! Whoops, no one to play with anymore! LOL LOL LOL OMG
14. English: I share that no family of mine will abide by such nonsense as ‘i’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’ because: caffeine, height, being.
That’s right; everything you thought you knew is a damn lie. Listen, life is different now, and these are street smarts I’m offering.
15. Science: Told the following jokes:
Q. Are you 11 protons?
A. Because you are sodium fine!
Q. Hey, you want to hear a joke about potassium?
A. K.
16. Storytime: Once upon a time, people were supremely gross and didn’t wash their hands, and so it was declared that we couldn’t have nice things, and here we are, so thanks.
17. History class: Remember when we were not living in a pandemic, and you had real teachers? I hope history repeats itself!
18. That is enough learning for the day. Now, let’s walk outside while I scream at you, “GET AWAY FROM THEM. DON’T TOUCH YOUR EYE. DON’T TOUCH HER EYE. WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO LIVE?”
19. Board games. Crying. Cheating. Doors slamming. Families shattered.
20. Spend the rest of the day listening to my kids saying, “Mom, watch this. Mom, watch while I do this. Mama, look at what I’m doing. Mom, do you see that? I’ll do it again. Mom, what are you watching? Mom, watch this video of another family we do not even know. Mom, look at me while I do this. Mama, watch this dance. Mom, are you watching? Mom, look at sissy. Mom, this is funny. Mama!”
This craziness is an exaggeration, thanks to our local school district and teachers who worked diligently to provide links that we effortlessly click on for assignments … well, maybe not effortlessly, but that has more to do with us than it does with our beloved teachers. These sweet teachers also shared their emails and sent notes stating how deeply they hated seeing their empty classrooms and how much they miss our kid’s faces and energy.
We were blessed by the best.
Their absence is palpable.
Gratitude grows when life changes.
Thank you, teachers! We appreciate your dedication immensely.
P.S. ~ Come and get these kids. : )