New Life. | Amanda Regas

I remember being selfishly conflicted about my due date with Evie. It fell around 9/11, and that was not something I wanted to associate with this new life.

For us,

9/11 was an ending. It was chaos born straight from pure evil.

9/11 is TV footage of brave first responders running into a firetrap that citizens fought to leave.

9/11 is trauma and grim imagery. Images documenting final terror-filled moments of airplane passengers before they slammed into two towers, a field and a government building.

9/11 is pictures captured of the darkest moments. Human beings, with families and souls like ours, jumping from buildings that extended up into the clouds.

9/11 is grief. Months of learning the stories and personalities of people lost and of their people left behind. Last voice recordings. Funerals. Widows and widowers. Grieving children. Babies born in the months that followed to widowed mothers.

9/11 Is now first responders who lived that day now dying early from the bravery they showed.

Evie entered our lives on Sept. 10, 2010.

I recall holding my newborn all day long Sept. 11, 2010, thinking how selfish and misguided my thinking had been. Bittersweet joy and familiar grief flowed through me as I held Evie to me while watching 9/11 footage because Evelyn’s life was a sign of human resilience. The ability to go on, move forward, create a new experience, and new hope.

9/11 that year was Nora holding her new baby sister in a hospital chair.

Evelyn, a baby girl we had initially thought we might never have, continues to feel on every birthday like a symbol of God’s promises kept, and a sign of pure rebellion from a country of people who on 9/11 were told by terrorists that life as we knew it would be over.

And if you know, Evie, it kind of makes sense.

I never post her previous days birthday pics on 9/11, it still feels irreverent. But this year feels heavy.

So here is some light.